27 May 2024
Should we help our adult children? 1

Should we help our adult children? 1

Deciding how much support to give to an adult child may not be easy for every parent.

While many children grow up and have good careers and become spiritual and material support for their parents, society has many opposite situations: Adult children still constantly demand, hardly

Illustration photo: Shutterstock.

According to psychologist Dr. Joshua Coleman (USA), parents should know when to say no and when to say yes to their children’s requests for help.

Parents’ torment is a ‘double-edged sword’

Joshua Coleman suggests that parents’ feelings of guilt and guilt can make it difficult for them to know when they should and shouldn’t support their children.

Get parents to give more than is necessary – what is good for an adult child.

Parents feel as if they must forever make amends and are somehow responsible for the hardships their children go through.

Children develop the idea that parents have the responsibility to shoulder and compensate for what is going on in their lives.

Parents often feel hopeless, helpless and think they are not good enough, or sad, when their children do not appreciate their kindness.

Parents should do?

According to Dr. Joshua Coleman, all parents love their children.

Calmly tell your child what you are or are not willing to support.

Be calm enough to share with your child that they are talking to you in a provocative or disrespectful way.

Don’t let yourself be `blackmailed`.

Empathize with what your child is feeling and state the reasons you think are reasonable in the situation, instead of refusing support.

Control your emotions instead of controlling your child’s emotions.

Parents should say yes or no decisively instead of complaining or expecting.

Regardless of the cause, it is always very difficult for parents to say no to their children because of love, because of the desire for their children to reciprocate that love.

In case you are not capable of helping your child, be ready to say `No`.

Will my help help my child become more mature or become more dependent?

Should help be unconditional, or conditional?

Is my view of my child correct and appropriate for the current context?

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